Missed Me?

Apologies for ignoring the blog world. Between work and the social life (that I do not have), I am also busy keeping myself warm. It's getting colder in LA and when the temperature drops to 50 degrees, I totally FREEZE and shut down. So to my in-laws, apologies in advance. I will never move to Michigan. If we do move, it's because we both lost our jobs, we're homeless and we need a place to live.

So what's going on with me? Nothing really. Just keeping up with the Kardashians, the White House crashers, Tiger Woods and the lives of the Jewish people I work for.

Thanksgiving

My friend TJ invited us to his new home for Thanksgiving. It's a Filipino Thanksgiving so aside from the traditional turkey, we had ribs, roast beef, pasta and spanakopita. Yeah, Filipinos kinda like to mix it up a little. Celebrating Thanksgiving is as alien to us in the Philippines as below-freezing temperatures. The best thing about Filipinos is being able to adapt easily. We can live anywhere in the world and still function. I actually have more relatives in the US compared to the hubby coz that is how I roll.

Temecula Wineries

After Thanksgiving dinner, the hubby and I went to Temecula to visit the wineries. Although I like to WHINE a lot, I'm not a wine person. I drink wine that has fruit in it -- Sangria. However, I like visiting wineries and do wine tastings just to remind myself why I do not like wine. I am weird like that and I feel sorry for my husband that he has to deal with my weirdness. I highly suggest visiting Temecula if you like wine. It's not Napa or Sonoma but it's a good alternative. Stay away from Cougar Winery, the winery that suggests you drink the wine but ignore the smell of it. Really? I'm no wine expert but don't you smell the wine and then drink it?

Caffeine Slave No More

First let me say that I've only had coffee four times since deciding to quit 6 weeks ago. Only because there are new coffee shops (Aroma Cafe & Intelligentsia) that the we recently discovered and they are just so hard to resist. If you wanna know if quitting has affected my energy, mood and effectiveness, I'd say NO. However, there are times when I just want to hang myself especially at work where everyone drinks coffee everyday! There was one time my co-worker spilled her coffee and I just wanted to lick the coffee off her chest & lap. It was that bad! So please join me in congratulating myself with this new achievement :D


Christmas Shopping

I just realized there are 20 more days before Christmas. I haven't done any holiday shopping. I have no plans to. I'm going the easy route -- Gift cards! So to my relatives (who are not on my shit list), I hope you enjoy your gift cards and I hope you buy me awesome gifts with those gift cards...

When I'm happy I clap with my feet.

A tribute to the Filipino Boxing Champ. In a never before seen video of myself cheering for Manny Pacquiao....

On Saturday, he fights Puerto Rican boxer Miguel Cotto. I, and millions of Filipinos around the world will be cheering for him. Hopefully this time, the hubby won't secretly video tape me or else he'd be getting an upper cut or right hook from me. Haha! Joke! I can't punch so I will probably just Taser him.

Go Manny! Make Mama proud!

Raising Kids the White Way

The hubby and I have talked about having kids, what they will look like and the challenges of having mutt kids. He's so American and I'm a fobbie Filipino. We're NO Jon & Kate and definitely not planning to have the PLUS 8 but the two of us raising kids in America will be very interesting especially for me. How do I raise half white kids in America without becoming the stereotypical "white" family raising kids?

Here are my observations...

Names - I don't like white, cheesy, trendy names. I actually have a "Names I Will Not Give My Future Kids" list. This list includes Hunter, Dakota, Riley, Casey, Cooper, Madison, Cassidy etc. Let's not even include stupid celebrity baby names on here. Those belong to another list.

Baby Accessories - I am the perfect example of a person who was once a baby and never had to be in a stroller, car seat or high chair. I also wasn't born in a hospital. I was born in my father's ancestral home with the help of a midwife and didn't have the luxury of a crib. I think that my parents put me in a shoe box or a picnic basket after they laid me down to sleep. Is it really necessary to splurge on baby accessories? I guess what I'm trying to say is, I grew up normal with my limbs intact without all these complex baby stuff.

Time Out - I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I only learned about "Time Out" when I was watching an episode of Super Nanny. It's a punishment for kids who are misbehaving. I've never experienced this. When my sisters & I misbehaved we get a good swat in the ass with whatever my parents can get their hands on. They believe in corporal punishment. I do too. However, I'd like to be able to spank my kids without them calling 911 and Social Services showing up in my house.

Play Date - OK. Someone please explain this to me. Why is this necessary? Does it really help improve your kids social skills? I don't remember my parents setting up a time for kids to show up in our house to play. I'm pretty sociable. If you still don't know, I have Twitter, Facebook, Multiply, Friendster and this blog. I think play date is just another excuse so parents can party & get drunk.

Kids Spa - The most annoying part in the world of beauty and spa is when you are getting your nails done and you are seated next to a 7 year old kid who is getting a massage, manicure & pedicure. NO. The pink nail polish with white flowers on your big toe is not CUTE. NOT CUTE AT ALL. Oh hai. Kids grow up so fast! I once painted my toe nails and my mother scolded me because she said I was too young for that crap. I used Liquid Paper! Not even a real nail polish! My mother was a hardcore disciplinarian.


American Girl Place - I am probably being judgmental by saying that the kids who come to this place are rich, spoiled, brats who will probably grow up like Paris Hilton. This is a place where young girls have tea parties with other young girls and their dolls. Did you hear they also have an American Doll Salon? Really? Salon for dolls? That is creepy! I read somewhere that they recently just came out with a Homeless Doll. The price? $95! Ohhh such IRONY! I probably just pissed off a bunch of American Girl doll owners. You can kill me now.


Hannah Montana - I am just glad that by the time I decide to have kids, Hannah Montana will be old. Too old that my kids won't find her entertaining. Too old that re-runs of her show will be shown on The History Channel. Plus, isn't Hannah Montana also Miley Cyrus? How do you explain that to the kids? It's so confusing! Also, how do you explain to your kids that you can be a star and make millions by being lame & untalented?



Kids (young boys) with Long Hair
For some reason I think a lot of parents are trying to raise the future Kurt Cobain or Eddie Vedder. Look, if you can bring the dolls to a salon why can't you bring your young son to get a haircut? Do us all a favor and don't put us in an awkward situation where we think your "daughter" is adorable and your kid responds "I'm not a girl!". Case in point, Celine Dion with girly son Rene Charles. How many of you want to bet her son will soon be getting a training bra?



I'm sure when the time comes and we decide to have kids, we will be ready. And since we're gonna have half filipino/half american babies, allow me to borrow the lyrics of Hannah Montana's song: "You get the best of both worlds. Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds. The best of both worlds."

Today, I play Matchmaker...

The other day I was chatting with my grade school friend and she casually mentioned if I could set her up with one of my single American friends. This made me think. HARD. Really hard. Why the eff not? I mean if the Jews have JDate and pet lovers have all these ridiculous dating websites then why can't I play matchmaker between Filipinos & Americans?

My dating history and my very "successful" relationship with my American hubby makes me a credible matchmaker, right? I also have a handful white, latino, black, persian guy friends who are wishing to end up with their own Pacific Island princess.

Fil-Am Dating 101

American men (and other nationalities), here are things you need to know about Filipino women...

1.) Filipino women are beautiful.

We stand out. Our features are unique. We do not look like our Asian neighbors. We are neither white nor yellow. We are brown which makes white people very jealous. Now, I'm not saying our Asian neighbors are ugly. In fact, I should credit them for their contribution to our culture and exotic breed.

2.) Filipino women are generous.

We like to help our family back home in any way we can. Western Union is still in business because of us.

3.) Filipino women are opinionated.

Your opinion counts but our opinions count more. DUH. We've had 2 female presidents. Nuff said!

4.) Filipino women are caring and supporting.

If you are married to a Filipino woman you don't need to worry about a retirement home or a caregiver coz she or her relatives will take care of you. However, you also don't want to take advantage of her because she will not hesitate to break your balls.

5.) Filipino women are respectable, understanding and patient

We were raised to speak politely and never engage in arguments or quarrels. We should act refined and lady like and never bring shame to the family. I don't know what happened to me. I guess, I am the exception to the rule.


Filipino women, here are things you need to know about American men...

1.) American men like sports.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em.

2.) American men like to drink.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em.

3.) American men like extreme activites (bungee jumping, sky diving, skiing, etc)

If you can't beat 'em join 'em

4.) American men like to eat boring, white people food.

Between LA and New York there's nothing but Applebee's and Olive Garden. If you can't eat 'em join 'em.

5.) American men like porn.

If you can't beat 'em join 'em.


See? Men, in general and American men specifically are simple, like Corky from Life Goes On.

Hmmm...wonder where I'll go next...

I love traveling. Whether it's for business or pleasure, just the thought of going to a new place excites me. I like meeting new people, eating local delicacies, seeing cities that are built differently and landscapes I've never seen before. My love for travel started when I was a kid. Then my last two jobs in the Philippines required me to hop in planes, stay in kick ass hotels and BS clients. A special shout out to Acer Philippines (now Wistron) and Watson Wyatt for the free travels & the opportunity. You rock!



Here's a list of places I've been and some highlights of the trip.

Taiwan

Highlights: First in everything. First travel abroad. First plane ride. First time to use chopsticks. First time to eat octopus. First time to order Coke in Chinese.

Hong Kong (the first time)

Highlights: I got in a fight with a lady who sells thongs. Apparently, if you're not buying then you can't touch the item. This photo was taken a few minutes before we had our yelling match.

Hongkong (after the first time)

Highlights: The second, third, fourth & fifth time I was able to earn enough miles to travel to Hongkong for free. Still waiting for the perfect time to use it. Who wants to go with me?

Singapore

Highlights: I conquered my greatest fear. Snakes!

London

Highlights: Big Ben is not a guy. London Bridge is in Arizona. The bridge in London is called Tower Bridge. Both bridges are NOT falling down.
First time I flew First Class. Thank you Cathay Pacific!

Barcelona

Highlights: I love, love Barcelona -- food, architecture, culture and people. Yes people! Someone flashed me and grabbed my ass. Also, naked beach.

Malta

Highlights: We paid 40euros to tour the city on a carriage. It was rough but it was worth it. The city is beautiful and there are ruins that are older than the pyramids.

Pisa

Highlights: 121 photos at the Leaning Tower of Pisa from our cruise earlier this year. I only posted 73. Yes I am a camera, picture, leaning tower whore.

Florence

Highlights: Climb 463 steps up (no elevator) and you get a spectacular view of Florence and the Tuscan hills. So worth it!

Rome
Highlights: I saw a gladiator. The Colosseum is pretty darn cool! There are fountains everywhere! Beware of pick pockets.

Vatican
Highlights: Now I know where the Pope lives. St. Peter's Basilica is HUGEEE. It can hold 60,000 people inside. Beware of pick pockets too. Those assholes don't care whether you're in a church or not.

Pompeii
Highlights: I'm totally diggin' this. No pun intended. This partially buried Roman town is BIG. Get a map coz we got lost finding the exit.
If you're into digging, take a shovel and join the digging club.

Sorrento
Highlights: Say CHEESE! Yeah so I watched a woman make cheese.

Monte Carlo, Monaco & Cannes
Highlights: I saw the hospital where Angelina gave birth to the twins. Saw the roof of the house of the King of Denmark (I think). Saw Tina Turner and Richard Gere's houses (just the side). Saw Vanessa Paradis filming a movie (I think the title is Heartbreaker). Oh and there's the cute medieval town called Eze. It's the playground of the Rich & Famous. If you're not rich & famous you do not belong here.

I don't know where my next destination will be. I have Greece, Egypt, Paris, Australia, Tallin, Japan and Germany in mind. I also have this dream of going back to Barcelona and Florence someday. For now I am happy at home sitting on my couch daydreaming. Till then...

American Culture Shock

I thought that growing up watching American TV shows like Sesame Street, The Cosby Show, Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place, Oprah etc was enough to prepare me for America. That wasn't the case. Six and half years later I am still not used to a lot of things and still get appalled & horrified by things I see and experience everyday.

Extreme PDA (Public Display of Affection)
I'm all for love and affection. Not a fan of groping & petting. Not a fan especially if the couple PDA-ing are UGLY. Seriously. Get a room! There's nothing wrong with showing affection but it should be done in the right place, right time and in good taste. In old Filipino tradition, if a man is caught kissing a woman or holding her hand, he is supposed to marry her. And that is how I got my hubby to marry me.

Snow
As a child I would sing White Christmas as if we experience snow in the Philippines. Seeing snow for the first time was a dream come true. My first snow experience was in Washington. Cool! Literally. However, after a few hours of snow, I was over it. I realized I don't like being in the cold. I freeze in 50 deg weather. It is wet, slippery and cold. That is why I live in LA. I'm a high maintenance beeyotch! In the winter time, I'd like to be able to sip my coffee in the patio of a coffee shop or wear flip flops while everyone else in the East Coast or Midwest is scraping off their windshields or shoveling their driveways.

Snuggies
I think even Americans will agree that this is a pretty ridiculous piece of clothing. Not only does it make you look like a member of a cult, it also makes you look like you dressed yourself while drunk. Whoever designed this is one lazy SOB. Don't get me started with Designer Snuggies or Snuggies for Dogs.

Toe socks
Wear it with Snuggies and you got yourself a winner!

UGGs
More like UGHHH! Wear it with toe socks & Snuggies and you got the woman of your dreams.

Super Size Me
For a $1 more you can get a large soda. For another dollar you get a large fries. So with $2 you just got yourself a future heart attack. What is up with fast food restaurants and huge servings? How can people stuff their face with that amount of food? Whenever we go out to eat, we always split the appetizer and the entree. Now if you're wondering why I'm big as a couch, it's because of my genes. We're just Big, Beautiful, Curvy Women.

Talk Shows
There was a time in my life when I worked the night shift and as soon as I got home I would turn on the TV and watch The Jerry Springer Show (Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!),Tyra "The Psycho Narcissist" Banks Show and Maury "The Paternity Tests" Povitch show. Did I miss anything? Oh. Dr. Phil... he thinks he is GOD and he tells it like it is. Dr. Phil, son of Oprah.

Reality Shows
Temptation Island, Bridezilla, Flavor of Love, 18 and counting, Real Housewives of ____________, Rock of Love, I Love New York... the list of ridiculous reality TV shows just goes on and on and on. Sure I watch reality TV. It's a hit or miss. There are just some shows that are difficult to watch because they are so trashy where the fame-whores would do anything for fortune and fame.

Trailer Parks
Also known as the breeding ground for the w**** trash. I kid. I kid. I call these "moving houses" . They kinda remind me of our version of moving houses. It's called bayanihan. It means a group of people in one community trying to achieve one goal. It can be manifested in many ways. However it is best demonstrated through an old Filipino tradition of neighbors helping a relocating family by getting volunteers to carry a whole house, and literally move it to its new location. [image source]


Ghetto Clothing
Pants should be huge and must be able to fit yo' entire posse in it. Get cool boxer shorts that should be hangin' out. Yo belt better be stylin' fo shizzle! Shirt better be long enough to fit hoops playah Yao Ming. Brand of choice? Nike or Fubu. Gotta have them shiny ass shoes mofo & be mixin' the orange, green, red or purple kool-aid colors. Remember NOT TO tie the knots coz that ain't gangsta enuf! Get a hat. Wear it sideways. If you got extra cash, get GRILLZ! Remember to walk with an OG limp and keep one hand on yo' gat and the other on yo' nutz!


You really cannot judge a book by it's cover. The America I envisioned growing up is not the America I know now. Living here is an ongoing learning process. Even if some Americans (you know who you are!) give me a hard time and I don't agree to do things the American way I still love this country. It's what I call home now.

Football, the other woman in our relationship.

I can only think of two reasons for a woman to like or love football -- she was raised by a family who lovesss football or she slept with or dated a football player. I must admit, I am now a football fan. I, however, do not fall in either category. I dated and married a guy who is passionate about football... college football to be exact. I now look forward to yelling at the TV on the weekends, often see myself reading blogs or news about it or even calling plays and penalties. So how did I get here? It wasn't easy coz there's really nothing appealing about guys wearing tight pants caught in awkward positions when they pile on top of each other. [image source]

So to all the women who wanna be like me, here are a few tips.

Adopt a team
This is usually your boyfriend or husband's team. In my case I adopted the Michigan Wolverines. Yeah! Go Blue! The hubby is from Michigan and went to the University of Michigan so that explains it. I enjoy exchanging high fives (that usually lands on his face) with the hubby when they score or the other team gets a penalty.

Know your team
You should be able to identify who the players are and what positions they play. It is not enough to call a player "the black guy with the tattoo" (believe me there are dozens of them out there), "the one who just threw the ball" (quarterback), "the guy who is running" (running back), "the guy with dreadlocks" or "Number 28". The players have names, use them!

Ask questions
If you did not grow up watching football, it will take a while to understand the rules of the sport. It is OK to ask questions... even the stupidest questions. Some guys are so passionate about football that if you ask them about it, it is all they want to talk about.

Learn the Lingo (or at least be familiar with it)
Turnover - Not to be mistaken for the apple turnover
Sack - Not to be mistaken for a large bag for potatoes
Scrambling - It has nothing to do with eggs
Red shirt - Not an actual red shirt
True freshman - There is no such thing as a fake freshman

It is OK to get emotional
Don't they always say women are too emotional? Football is the best way to vent out all those different emotions -- happy, sad, mad, psycho etc.. It is perfectly OK to yell, cuss & throw things around. You'd never guess I am Filipino when you hear me swear. I am proud to say that because of football I now cuss like a sailor and at the end of football season we may need a new couch (I will probably break our couch from jumping on it!).


Football could be a guy thing, but not for long. More and more women are getting into it. It ain't rocket science. Just a bunch of guys wearing tight pants running over each other trying to score a touchdown. See? Easy right? OK gotta go. I'm gonna watch a replay (we Tivo'd) of Michigan's epic victory over Notre Dame. [image source]