Wednesday, October 21, 2009

American Culture Shock

I thought that growing up watching American TV shows like Sesame Street, The Cosby Show, Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place, Oprah etc was enough to prepare me for America. That wasn't the case. Six and half years later I am still not used to a lot of things and still get appalled & horrified by things I see and experience everyday.

Extreme PDA (Public Display of Affection)
I'm all for love and affection. Not a fan of groping & petting. Not a fan especially if the couple PDA-ing are UGLY. Seriously. Get a room! There's nothing wrong with showing affection but it should be done in the right place, right time and in good taste. In old Filipino tradition, if a man is caught kissing a woman or holding her hand, he is supposed to marry her. And that is how I got my hubby to marry me.

As a child I would sing White Christmas as if we experience snow in the Philippines. Seeing snow for the first time was a dream come true. My first snow experience was in Washington. Cool! Literally. However, after a few hours of snow, I was over it. I realized I don't like being in the cold. I freeze in 50 deg weather. It is wet, slippery and cold. That is why I live in LA. I'm a high maintenance beeyotch! In the winter time, I'd like to be able to sip my coffee in the patio of a coffee shop or wear flip flops while everyone else in the East Coast or Midwest is scraping off their windshields or shoveling their driveways.

I think even Americans will agree that this is a pretty ridiculous piece of clothing. Not only does it make you look like a member of a cult, it also makes you look like you dressed yourself while drunk. Whoever designed this is one lazy SOB. Don't get me started with Designer Snuggies or Snuggies for Dogs.

Toe socks
Wear it with Snuggies and you got yourself a winner!

More like UGHHH! Wear it with toe socks & Snuggies and you got the woman of your dreams.

Super Size Me
For a $1 more you can get a large soda. For another dollar you get a large fries. So with $2 you just got yourself a future heart attack. What is up with fast food restaurants and huge servings? How can people stuff their face with that amount of food? Whenever we go out to eat, we always split the appetizer and the entree. Now if you're wondering why I'm big as a couch, it's because of my genes. We're just Big, Beautiful, Curvy Women.

Talk Shows
There was a time in my life when I worked the night shift and as soon as I got home I would turn on the TV and watch The Jerry Springer Show (Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!),Tyra "The Psycho Narcissist" Banks Show and Maury "The Paternity Tests" Povitch show. Did I miss anything? Oh. Dr. Phil... he thinks he is GOD and he tells it like it is. Dr. Phil, son of Oprah.

Reality Shows
Temptation Island, Bridezilla, Flavor of Love, 18 and counting, Real Housewives of ____________, Rock of Love, I Love New York... the list of ridiculous reality TV shows just goes on and on and on. Sure I watch reality TV. It's a hit or miss. There are just some shows that are difficult to watch because they are so trashy where the fame-whores would do anything for fortune and fame.

Trailer Parks
Also known as the breeding ground for the w**** trash. I kid. I kid. I call these "moving houses" . They kinda remind me of our version of moving houses. It's called bayanihan. It means a group of people in one community trying to achieve one goal. It can be manifested in many ways. However it is best demonstrated through an old Filipino tradition of neighbors helping a relocating family by getting volunteers to carry a whole house, and literally move it to its new location. [image source]

Ghetto Clothing
Pants should be huge and must be able to fit yo' entire posse in it. Get cool boxer shorts that should be hangin' out. Yo belt better be stylin' fo shizzle! Shirt better be long enough to fit hoops playah Yao Ming. Brand of choice? Nike or Fubu. Gotta have them shiny ass shoes mofo & be mixin' the orange, green, red or purple kool-aid colors. Remember NOT TO tie the knots coz that ain't gangsta enuf! Get a hat. Wear it sideways. If you got extra cash, get GRILLZ! Remember to walk with an OG limp and keep one hand on yo' gat and the other on yo' nutz!

You really cannot judge a book by it's cover. The America I envisioned growing up is not the America I know now. Living here is an ongoing learning process. Even if some Americans (you know who you are!) give me a hard time and I don't agree to do things the American way I still love this country. It's what I call home now.

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