Saturday, October 31, 2009

Raising Kids the White Way

The hubby and I have talked about having kids, what they will look like and the challenges of having mutt kids. He's so American and I'm a fobbie Filipino. We're NO Jon & Kate and definitely not planning to have the PLUS 8 but the two of us raising kids in America will be very interesting especially for me. How do I raise half white kids in America without becoming the stereotypical "white" family raising kids?

Here are my observations...

Names - I don't like white, cheesy, trendy names. I actually have a "Names I Will Not Give My Future Kids" list. This list includes Hunter, Dakota, Riley, Casey, Cooper, Madison, Cassidy etc. Let's not even include stupid celebrity baby names on here. Those belong to another list.

Baby Accessories - I am the perfect example of a person who was once a baby and never had to be in a stroller, car seat or high chair. I also wasn't born in a hospital. I was born in my father's ancestral home with the help of a midwife and didn't have the luxury of a crib. I think that my parents put me in a shoe box or a picnic basket after they laid me down to sleep. Is it really necessary to splurge on baby accessories? I guess what I'm trying to say is, I grew up normal with my limbs intact without all these complex baby stuff.

Time Out - I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I only learned about "Time Out" when I was watching an episode of Super Nanny. It's a punishment for kids who are misbehaving. I've never experienced this. When my sisters & I misbehaved we get a good swat in the ass with whatever my parents can get their hands on. They believe in corporal punishment. I do too. However, I'd like to be able to spank my kids without them calling 911 and Social Services showing up in my house.

Play Date - OK. Someone please explain this to me. Why is this necessary? Does it really help improve your kids social skills? I don't remember my parents setting up a time for kids to show up in our house to play. I'm pretty sociable. If you still don't know, I have Twitter, Facebook, Multiply, Friendster and this blog. I think play date is just another excuse so parents can party & get drunk.

Kids Spa - The most annoying part in the world of beauty and spa is when you are getting your nails done and you are seated next to a 7 year old kid who is getting a massage, manicure & pedicure. NO. The pink nail polish with white flowers on your big toe is not CUTE. NOT CUTE AT ALL. Oh hai. Kids grow up so fast! I once painted my toe nails and my mother scolded me because she said I was too young for that crap. I used Liquid Paper! Not even a real nail polish! My mother was a hardcore disciplinarian.

American Girl Place - I am probably being judgmental by saying that the kids who come to this place are rich, spoiled, brats who will probably grow up like Paris Hilton. This is a place where young girls have tea parties with other young girls and their dolls. Did you hear they also have an American Doll Salon? Really? Salon for dolls? That is creepy! I read somewhere that they recently just came out with a Homeless Doll. The price? $95! Ohhh such IRONY! I probably just pissed off a bunch of American Girl doll owners. You can kill me now.

Hannah Montana - I am just glad that by the time I decide to have kids, Hannah Montana will be old. Too old that my kids won't find her entertaining. Too old that re-runs of her show will be shown on The History Channel. Plus, isn't Hannah Montana also Miley Cyrus? How do you explain that to the kids? It's so confusing! Also, how do you explain to your kids that you can be a star and make millions by being lame & untalented?

Kids (young boys) with Long Hair
For some reason I think a lot of parents are trying to raise the future Kurt Cobain or Eddie Vedder. Look, if you can bring the dolls to a salon why can't you bring your young son to get a haircut? Do us all a favor and don't put us in an awkward situation where we think your "daughter" is adorable and your kid responds "I'm not a girl!". Case in point, Celine Dion with girly son Rene Charles. How many of you want to bet her son will soon be getting a training bra?

I'm sure when the time comes and we decide to have kids, we will be ready. And since we're gonna have half filipino/half american babies, allow me to borrow the lyrics of Hannah Montana's song: "You get the best of both worlds. Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds. The best of both worlds."


  1. What a great {and well-written) post.

    The effort to avoid falling into the trap of being bourgeoise/knee-jerk liberal/fascist/provincial/suburban/you name it/ etc. is full of traps - including the trap of not wanting to fall into a stereotype.

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